The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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