i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
