dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
