I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
