I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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