everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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