Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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