you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
