why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
