I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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