It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
