I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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