she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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