genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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