Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
