i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
