Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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