I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
