I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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