I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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