Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
