I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
