What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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