and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
