you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
soo... how was my night?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
