She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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