Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
