saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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