I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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