My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
