MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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