He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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