the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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