so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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