Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
