how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
