Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
