After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
