apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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