i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
True strength comes from lack of pants
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
