Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
