those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
