so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
