I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
