I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
