Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
