Fine. I'll sleep in my office
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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