No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
