yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
