some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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