I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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