So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
