its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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