just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
