Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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