I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
