he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
