Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
