your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
