btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
