she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
