Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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